I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
