I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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