I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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