how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
