would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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