I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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