remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
