how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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