Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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