I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
