When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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