you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
