Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
