You really coming over, don't trick.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
