Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
