i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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