My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
