i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
