My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
