just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize