I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
nutella sex= disaster
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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