I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
that's an acceptable place to lick
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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