My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
