Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
