i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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