My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
