Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
