just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
