we have officially lost it.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
