And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and she was petting her beer can
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
