Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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