I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
