I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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