I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
