there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
