My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
