i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
