I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
