absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
