I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
