I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
