He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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