im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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