i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
