based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
please come you make the beer taste better
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
