honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
even my farts smell like vagina
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
