so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
