Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
