i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize