I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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