:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
