I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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