You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
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I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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