i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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