A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
