Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
