I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
