exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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