Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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