I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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