the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
