my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
