I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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