I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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