I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
