what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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