Cold hands, warm shart.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I wear drunk well.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
