I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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