bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
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