Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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