you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
